Whew....

Long time no blog--my bad.


Here is the situation and a little catch up.


1. I moved to Idaho Falls, right by the temple, which i thought was a really nice place--then i found out it was the ghetto...i still love it, regardless.


2. i don't have internet at my new place cause that is a waste of my lack of money, and THAT is why i haven't blogged in FOREVER!


3. I work all the stinking time so my social life is lacking.  If i don't work till 11 or midnight i come home at about 8 or 9 and watch a redbox--im such a baller.  




I guess that is all for the update.


Im slowly becoming accustomed to living alone.  I really do not enjoy coming home to an empty apartment.  Its hard to go to that after having an Ashley and a Sherilyn to come home to for 4 ish months.  That right there is a little hard for me.


My sleeping patterns are--interesting.  I do what i can to get enough hours of sleep, but when i do actually sleep i dream about work, i talk in my sleep and i toss and turn a lot--like i said, interesting.  The last couple nights have been getting better and i LOVE IT!  My bed is super comfy though.  My wonderful mother bought it for me when she came and helped me move.  Its a memory foam mattress--winning!


I spent Christmas at my brothers in Ammon--those little kiddos are TOO precious.  It was a good feeling there and i loved being welcomed to a home for christmas.  


I spent New Years with Ashley and Sherilyn at Ashley's Aunt's house.  Honestly--the best new years i have had in a long while.  The past 3 or 4 years have been-unrighteous, too "glamourous," and not heart warming. (Of course my own doing/fault).  But this one was wonderful.  We played games, ate food, attempted to take naps but just tickled each other instead ;), and then finally at midnight we banged pots and pans together on the front porch and screamed at the top of our lungs.  my heart was so happy.  Then people in the distance let lanterns go like on Tangled and so we watched from the balcony. 


Just below was a cute sight to see for me.  Ashley's mom and dad were in a very warming and kind embrace and they were talking about how long they had ben together--something like 29 years--and then they talked about where they were a year ago and where they were going to be in a year.  It was sweet and it touched my heart greatly.  I felt so blessed to have been there in such great company for that night.


It makes me think-where will i be in a year? I definately am not where i though i would be a year ago.  Granted last year at this time i was still trying to figure out what i wanted.  Regardless, i never would have imagined i could have come so far--and fallen even farther. Somewhat of a paradox i'd say-and a little ironic.   


It's a new year, a new begining.  As humans we have the ability to change--i try to remind myself of that everyday, but its a real struggle.  I have the ability to make this next year anything i want it to be.  I can be happy, and i can be successful--i just need to be willing to be submissive to the Lord's will.  I need to learn real faith, believing that even though i do not know the end from the beginning like he does, that he will guide me in the right direction.


I need his hands, i need his strength, cause i surely cannot do this on my own.  


This sunday was great.  I heard Many things today that my mind AND heart needed to hear.  


It's a very emotional time right now--which is where another struggle comes into play.  Each day is a battle between devastation and bitterness and having hope believing that people are going to care what i am thinking and will want to be part of what is going on in my life.  I don't want to be bitter, but i also don't want to hurt anymore....when you open yourself up to others, you make yourself vulnerable and open to pain.  I'm trying to find the in-between--the happy medium so to say. 


Ok-i guess that is all for now--and for a while.  
Thanks for listening.