All those love songs, ya know, with men singing about how they can't wait to get home to see 'her,' how 'she' fills their thoughts all day long, how 'her' beauty is staggering to them, how they love to watch 'her' sleep, how they couldn't see themselves living another day without 'her,' how they miss 'her' and can't wait to see 'her again and wrap 'her' up in their arms and draw 'her' near---I wonder if those men really feel that way about a girl. Are they singing about an actual woman who consumes them and brings so much happiness to their lives.....or are they just playing on every other girls emotions??
I can't figure it out. I don't feel as though i could ever have a guy feel that way about me. All my experience--or lack there of--has shown that i'll always want them more, that i'll always be consumed with their happiness and with seeing them again and wanting to be with them, while i'm like thought 5 or 6 in the back of there mind--something to get around to when it's convenient. Unfortunate.
Not trying to throw a pitty party--I have a great life, good friends, and many blessings. It's just something i've been thinking about lately. I have lots of time to think and listen to music---that's what i've come up with.
All i know is, i want a champion. I want someone who takes the time to show me that i'm a very important part of their being--they don't make me try and just remember. He's going to be magnificent--the best. I know that to be true--and because of that, i'm prepared to wait as long as it takes until he gets here.
I'm not just selfishly wanting someone to be consumed with me and my every fiber--that's not how it should be at all. I want to be something good for him-yes-but i want to DO good for him. It'll be my goal each day to make the ordinary extraordinary. My love for him will be very evident. He'll be able to see it in the way i look at him, in the way i talk to him, in the way i kiss him, in the quiet little things i do for him. I'm always looking forward to the time when i can be with someone that i'm not scared of loosing and who knows that they forever have me.
Everything is a process. Everything is preparatory. And now--at a time when i have set myself even farther back and ever farther away from this goal i realize that i have a lot of learning and a lot of growing--but that is never over, its a process that i'll need to diligently continue for the rest of my life.
I get bitter. I have a problem with pride. But there are those very few, and very rare occasions where i will admit to this bitterness and pride and open up. I suppose tonight is one of those times. granted i'm alone so i can't really tell anyone....so this is the best thats going to come of it.....
....i want to be where i was. I want to be not so fragile and emotional. I want to be in a place where i can trust myself and have others trust me. I want to be in a different place then this--i'm sick of being here. With that said--i'm doing everything i can to get away from HERE. THERE is where i want to be. It's possible--even with everything making me feel like it's impossible. It's Not.
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ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEDb5t5EZwU
ReplyDeleteI’m no Elton John…..but I hope you like it. Play the song and read/sing along…..
Katy’s Love Song
By. Some Kid
She’s super duper funnyyyy, and makes me smmiiillleee,
She’ll always be wanted, although she’s quite shyyyy,
She’ll always be pretty, just look at her smile,
I cant believe I can have her in my life.
Her hair always changes, I cant keep it straight
But she tries, so hard to impress all the guys who walk byyyyyy,
I know that your sad and sorry this is all I can do,
You wanted a song and this one’s for you.
And I like telling everybody, that your workin hard,
Because you want that certain someone, to hold you in his arms.
I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I gave you this song,
Don’t worry that dumb boy, will stop leading you along.