Such A Roller Coaster...

Spiritually I need this.  These experiences that seem to hurt so much have caused me to find relief through fervent prayer, scripture study, and reliance on my faith in the Lord.  

It's the hardest thing for me.  When i hurt, i like to be irrational. I like to do the temporal things that make me feel better.  But i haven't--i've learned self control.  It is SO hard, but i feel in control.  I'm in control of my emotions and my actions for the first time in my life.  

It still hurts. The pain from any emotional blow has the same impact, but my reaction makes the recovery that much quicker.  

I'm thankful.  I'm thankful to still find happiness when in any other circumstance i would want to break down and be reckless.  I can breathe. I can function. I'm strong on my own--with the help of heavenly father of course--but i don't need other people's reassurance that i'll be ok...........i know i'll be ok.

Three weeks until the semester is over.  They are going to be the busiest weeks of my life! But bring it on--i'm ready.  I'm happy to be busy.  It keeps me sane and out of trouble.

Gym tomorrow at 5am!! yes, insane, but its honestly the only time i have to work out.  These days working out is the best way to relieve stress and get out frustrations----so to the gym i go!

.........this blog things is good. It's amazing how much better i feel after getting stuff out. I just wish i was better at journaling and writing it down.  But this is kind of the same right?  It works for now.  Good thing not too many people read this soap opera ;)